I have with me today, the most celebrated character, the woman of fan service, the character with most
male fans of the Draconica Series by Dan Wright, Zarracka Dragonkin. I have managed to convince her author to force her to be interviewed. Some would say this is pure suicide but some people can be wrong too.
Hello, Zarracka. Thank you for gracing us with your radiant presence today.
Z: You should be honoured to have me in your presence. Everyone usually is.
Oh, yes, we most definitely are. I just would like to say that my questions may or may not offend you. If they do, please, try not to freeze the helpless interviewer, okay?
Z: I make no promises…
*clears throat* Well, anyway, here’s the first question: Why were you called Zarracka? Can you give the readers a brief look into your background?
Z: Um… because that’s the name my parents gave me… (ask a stupid question!) I don’t know – I think I remember Father telling me that was the name of a character in a story Mother read when she was younger – but I don’t know.
Self introduction? Ok, well – I’m one of the Dragonkin sisters. I was granted powers by the dragon Dronor (like all of my sisters were) and I was granted ice. From then on, I tried to use my powers to get what I want – and to put my sister Daniar in her place.
That good enough for you?
*forced smile* Thank you for that. Oh! What a lovely gown you’re wearing today. Who designed it and your other gowns?
Z: Why thank you. I must say I love this gown. I had a tailor in Brittana make it for me (when I still lived there that is). It’s made from Pariahian silk, which is the best silk on Draconica. My father didn’t approve of me having my breasts exposed all the time – but I believe if you have the goods, you shouldn’t hide them.
But there is another reason why I have my gown this way. When I use my ice breath, I like to usually take my time and breathe in slowly – so that they can gaze at what I have and have some pleasure before I send them on their ultimate journey. I love toying with my enemies.
Isn’t that interesting? Well, lately, a portrait of you and a young Disney queen, Queen Elsa of Arandelle, has been making the rounds in some social networking sites. What do you have to say to that? Who do you think is the more powerful of you two?
Z: Well I’m not surprised. We make a great team, don’t you think?
As to who is more powerful – really? You have to ask? Well, I’ll give Elsa her dues – she froze an entire kingdom. But… what if I told you that I could breathe a blizzard that could freeze an entire country and it WON’T thaw out? What, don’t believe me? You want me to try? (winks suggestively)
Uh, no, Zarracka. We are all in awe of your wonderfulness as it is. Anyway, this has been boggling my mind ever since: Why did you go for Kalak instead of Finn?
Z: Finn? Oh he was too much of a bootlicker for the Emperor – and he whined too much for my liking. Kalak on the other hand – well, once you’ve seen a man like that with no shirt on, there is no going back.
*sigh* I almost wish that he choose ME over Daniar. He’s too good for that attention seeking cow. It’s not easy to know that you can have any man you want – and yet not the one you REALLY want.
(she looks a little down) What? What are you looking at?
For the record, Finn is not a bootlicker and he does not whine. He is merely protecting his family. However, I do understand what you’re going through Zarracka.
Next question, just between us girls, what attracts you most in a guy?
Z: Oh, you know the usual. Handsome, charming – and one that is prepared to be completely submissive to all my needs and desires.
Right. Every girl should have a guy who submits to ALL her wishes. Okay, next: Seeing as your powers are ice-based, do you like penguins?
Z: What the hell are penguins?
can become a mom, would you like your child to be a girl or a boy? Would you let him play with your nephew, Benji?
Z: A mom? Well… to be honest, that is never going to happen. I can’t have children you see. But if I did… I guess I’d like a boy. I mean, Benji was very nice to me… maybe if I had a son of my own.
(she sighs deeply). Course, it will never happen – not with me the way I am. (she almost looks like she’s going to cry, but then remembers the interview and reverts back to her usual bitchy self) Anyway, can you ask me your next stupid question before I freeze you?
Alright! Well, what’s your secret for having such a well-endowed form?
Z: No secret. I’m just naturally perfect!
If I say “Goblin Queen”–
Z: Goblin Queen? Goblin Queen? GOBLIN QUEEN?!?
(At this point, Zarracka went berserk and started destroying everything in sight and we had to restrain her. We locked her in a room until she calmed down).
Please enjoy this picture of FinnTaurok in his Christmas garb. *drool* While we wait for Zarracka to compose herself.
Oh, here she is now!
Ok… ok… I’ll let you off THAT time! But if you mention anything like that again… I won’t just freeze you… I’ll freeze you AND break you apart! Got it?
Yes, ma’am! Can you please say something about the Final Ragnarok?
Z: Final Ragnarok? Oh, that’s the big thing that’s going to happen soon isn’t it? I really don’t know much about it. All I know is that something is going to happen. Something… bad…
Say something about the Final Ragnarok. (Chants of “Spoilers! Spoilers!” can be heard from the background)
Z: Oh you know I can’t do that. If I told you I’d have to freeze you.
Well, I guess I can say something about it. Basically – it’s all going to be about me! It’s going to be my story where I save the day and everyone falls in love with me! And I marry Kalak! And I may just take my clothes off to appease the male readers!
(Note from the author: None of the above will actually happen!)
What would you like to say to your creator, Dan Wright?
Z: How about giving me something sensible to wear next book? Ha, just kidding! We all know I’m the only reason people read the story!
But seriously, I guess I should say thanks to Dan for creating me. Although, how about I get a break once in a while? Huh, Dan? Huh? I’m supposed to be your favourite character, right? How come I never get a break.
I’ve heard you have a lot of fans, is that right? What would you like to say to them?
Z: By fans I suppose you’re referring to my “slaves?” If so then yes, I have plenty! But let’s be honest, who DOESN’T love me? I’m sexy, I’m bad – and I could just as easily freeze you all if you don’t please me. So bask in my beauty you lucky things.
Well, I guess that’s the end of the interview. Now if you don’t mind, I have things to be getting on with.
Oh, and by the way (takes a deep breath) this is for calling the Goblin Queen!
Books by Dan Wright:
Draconica #1: Trapped on Draconica
Draconica #2: Legacy of the Dragonkin
Draconica #3: Final Ragnarok coming this 2014
Pictures used in this post is of Touko Fukawa from Dangan Ronpa: The Animation. I do not own her.
Zarracka’s picture and Finn’s Christmas picture has been provided by Dan Wright.